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Ganondorf’s Corner: Couldn’t we all use a little more Triforce of Wisdom in our lives?

January 30, 2015

Let me paint the picture for you. You’re walking through Kakariko Village, enjoying the sounds of windmills and carpentry. Just as you’re admiring the view of Death Mountain from a rooftop, a woman comes up to you, frantic. She’s lost her chickens. Can you run through the town, find them and toss them back into her chicken pen? She’ll give you something good if you do.

It’s a situation we’ve all been in at one point in our lives. And most of us would say we just don’t have the time. Maybe you’re too busy because you have to release ghosts into the wild in an effort to corrupt the land. Or maybe you’re too busy because you’re trying to find the perfect place in your dungeon to hide a boomerang. Or maybe you’re too busy because, heck, you just gotta destroy Hyrule.

Most of us would simply slay this woman and be done with it. But sometimes it’s good to just step back and think. What would you do if you had the Triforce of Wisdom?

With the Triforce of Wisdom, you may come to realize that helping the poor woman isn’t just the right choice; it’s the only choice. Destroying Hyrule is one thing, but destroying Hyrule’s humanity is an entirely different story. What kind of person would you be if you didn’t help her? And hey, let’s just go ahead and ask the big question. Do you even WANT to enslave a world that’s devoid of common human courtesy?

Now, some of you out there may be thinking, “Woah. Hold on there, Ganondorf, old buddy. Courtesy? Haven’t you committed horrible atrocities by waging a war of conquest upon Hylia that’s spanned millennia, during which you’ve starved myriad Gorons, fed princesses to whale-gods, and added “dorf” to the end of several nouns?”

That’s fair. But let me ask you this: When Wizzrobe needed a partner for his doubles badminton tournament, who stepped up? When Dodongo wanted to take up baking no matter WHAT the other monsters said, who gave it the emotional support it needed? And when the darknut union demanded armor with no backs, who made sure the motion carried all the way through to law? This guy, that’s who. Good old Ganondorf.

So remember to take this lesson of the Triforce of Wisdom to heart. Regardless of your plans for killing imposter forest boys, price-gouging on big shields at one of our many three-item shops, or utter global conquest, it’s the common courtesies we give our friends and neighbors which shows real wisdom.

(Oh, and if you happen to actually FIND the Triforce of Wisdom just lying around or something, could you send it my way? That’d be great.)


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